After the subpar performance of my ovaries during retrieval in April, Mama M and I followed the recommendation of our doctor and decided to switch over to trying to use Mama M’s eggs instead of mine. This decision was not an easy one for me to make — but one that was really the next logical step in our journey to become parents.
The next few posts have been written by Mama M in light of the last two months of our journey….
“Where to begin….?”
Double the moms, double the fun? Double the choices, double the fun? It’s the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded, 2 outs and Mama M is up to bat!
I love my wife and there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her and for us. These are not just hollow words….anymore. As you all know we have been trying to get pregnant for the last 2 years. It feels weird saying “we have been trying to get pregnant” because I wasn’t much of an “active” participant, if you know what I mean.
During the multiple IUI and IVF treatments that we went through, I was right by mama D’s side — I attended the multiple medical appointments, gave her shots, searched through sperm donor profiles, sat at each ultrasound uncomfortably holding her things, counted down the days until we received results from each IUI/IVF, and held her each time we got the heartbreaking news that things did not work out. Our hearts broke together each time we got the news — but it was mostly her heart breaking because it was her body that wasn’t giving us the results that we wanted. Let me tell you, there is nothing more difficult than seeing your best friend/partner/love of your life get her heart broken over and over again — especially knowing that there is nothing that you can do to make it better or to fix it.
Or is there……?
Throughout this entire process, I have felt very helpless and useless — like I have been sitting in the “passenger’s seat” while my wife has been in the “driver’s seat.” I went along to every appointment, drove the entire 9-hour trek each way to Denver (Mama D is great, but cannot stay awake in the car to save her life!), and I have sat there as she has been poked and prodded. I felt like there wasn’t much else I could do to help, aside from providing moral support.
In mid-April, when the doctor called to tell us that we only had one embryo after our most recent retrieval, we looked at each other and I swear that I felt both of our hearts break again. The doctor continued to explain that, after 3 rounds of IVF, with a total of 22 eggs retrieved, and only 2 that made it to the blastocyst stage, he felt that Mama D’s eggs had a very low maturation rate and that our best option would be to use my eggs……MY EGGS?!!??!??! I remembered those words that I spoke earlier in the year — ” I would do anything for you and for us.” My stomach dropped. Those were no longer going to be hollow words, those were going to be the truth. In a matter of minutes, my life as a passenger had ended and I was now going to be in the driver’s seat.
I had no idea about the road that was ahead of me.
*This week, we are going to do a post per day to catch you up on our story. Feel free to check back tomorrow (and throughout the week) to see Mama M’s take on being the driver, reacting to medications and procedures, and, ultimately, how her retrieval turned out.*